Our next destination was Cedar Point, Sandusky, Ohio. A theme park that boasted the tallest and fastest roller coaster in the world. The theme park was impressive compared to the one sin England. It had every type of roller coaster and the park was in a great setting on a peninsula with marina’s, hotels and campsites all around. The park was so big you couldn’t do it all in one day. Our only mission was to ride the big one though, the millennium force. We went in after Sarah and Richard had sorted it so we could get in for free but the cameras weren’t allowed in the park, fortunately the first drop was near a road next to the perimeter of the park so the crew drove down on one of the buses and we queued armed with a mobile phone and the digital cameras. The queue was massive but we all messed about to pass the time and I think to avoid the fact that this was a fucking big roller coaster, Phil kept ringing on the mobile to check where we were in the line, cos if it was going to take to long we would have to go but every time we thought we were near the front more of the stalls opened up so every time he asked we told him we were about 10 mins away. He rang every ten minutes and we took it in turns telling him the person before didn’t know what they were talking about but now we were ten minutes away. We finally got to the front and our minds were beginning to change as we saw the roller coaster up close, we had to put the cameras in a locker cos there was a big chance we wouldn’t hold onto them, (apparently). On the way up I admit it I had definitely changed my mind, it was a slow ascent and at the top you could see the curve of the earth on the horizon. We went over the top and everyone started to shout ARHHHHH as you do but then when took a breath I realised I was still falling and there really wasn’t much point in still shouting as there was still quite a drop to go. I have to say it was one of the best rushes of my life going on that thing but there was no time to do it again, we got some ice cream cos that’s what you do in theme parks apparently. Went back to the bus to get on our way to a naturist campsite where a porn festival was being held in Rose lawn near Indiana.
Left Niagara around midday after a few interviews and filming the general chitchat on the bus. We had the company of the crew for this journey so the bus was quite cramped so we didn’t really get up too much on the journey. We got there in the night, got of the bus to stretch our legs but we were parked on the side of a dual carriageway and the place was dead, we couldn’t walk far so we got some sleep now we had stopped. Up at 10:30 the next day and off to meet our new chaperon for the day, a record producer called Ade, we went to meet him at his studios where him and a couple of his buddies and his wife were hanging out. He told us how his business operates and what they do in the studios, how they lay down a track. The decks came out and they showed us his mate “Friday Nights” rapping skills. He then sent someone down the shop to get the molten ice 40oz bottles and we felt obliged to join them for a beer early on. We were then taken to be shown where we would find the best pizza in the states according to them. It was a big restaurant and we had a table booked for like twenty, we ordered some big pizzas, which were proper pizzas, not the modern quick and easy style you get now in a pizzeria. Everyone chucked in their share of the bill and we started to make our way on foot to an African American jubilee 2000 open-air festival. It made an excellent change, loads of little stalls, music, artwork, dancing and Ade had a nice two litre vodka and fruit juice mixer going on to keep us in the mood for the evening. We browsed around the festival and met two girls who had just set up a .com business in utilities or something and they fully thought they would be millionaires within a few months and after knowing them for a few minutes they were asking us to set up there operations in the UK for them, yep, that’ll work! Apparently she could trust me cos I am a Pisces and she could trust my eyes, I don’t think they meant business I think she was just trying to crack onto me. We all met up around the entrance. We had some time to kill before going to the club so Ade took us to an island where everyone hangs out, drinks, smokes and plays their music as loud as possible and the strange thing was a lot of the cars had Ade’s music coming from them. I bet that made him feel quite proud of his work. I bet that’s the main reason he goes to that part of Detroit. The police soon came and moved us all along and the crew almost got arrested as they were filming us leaving and weren’t in the car themselves. We then went straight to club to experience the girls “Shaken der ass” as Ade puts it. It wasn’t as fast as they do it in Barbados but it was still something to look at. Chantal got up and had a go, and didn’t do badly then Sheryl got up and had a go and resembled a sweaty lesbian hore if you can picture that. Bop had go but his floppy armed dancing style didn’t quite fit with what the others were doing. As the cameras moved on to the dance a competition between the locals began to take place. These girls tits and arse seemed to be drawn by some mysterious force to the camera, “everyone wants to be on tele” we weren’t complaining though all the footage needs watching over and checking before it goes back to England. We’re there. I defiantly wasn’t drunk enough to attempt some of the things they were doing so we pissed off up stairs and worked on that not being drunk problem. We found a tamer dance floor up there and had a bit of a groove up there instead. The night was pretty routine after that we all got drunk messed around with the locals in the car park who again seemed drawn to the cameras like a group of people waiting in line at an episode of Jerry Springer. We jumped into a car and went back to the bus where we said goodbye to the guys and thanked them for showing us around.
When we got back to the bus that evening it was straight up to Niagra Falls through the night. We arrived around 1:00 and ate in the hotel restaurant. It was the crews day of so once everyone was organised which took a long time we all went to go and see the falls still doing a little bit of filming, I don’t think they could help themselves. We met the river quite early on where it was quite violent and followed it around to where you can see it all go over, then walked out onto like a big half bridge so you look back and get a better view We decided as a group that it would be cool to go over to Canada so we carried on to the bridge that crosses over on the American side there is a passport control to get back into the states but just a swing gate to get onto the bridge, so as we all had our passports we went through and it took about five minutes to cross the bridge to get to the Canadian passport control, there we found that we would be alright getting into Canada but to get back into the states we needed a piece of paper that we were given at the airport, which obviously none of us had. So theoretically we were stuck between countries on a bridge. The women at the Canadian side made a phone call to the American side and told him we hadn’t yet entered the country and she was sending us back. By which time the cameras were back on us again as the crew thought it was hilarious that we were stuck on a bridge. After a short confrontation with the drill sergeant in passport control on the American side we were back in the country and those that could be bothered went to get the bit off paper we needed and went to spend the rest of the day in Canada. It was very different again it was all very touristic. Loads of gift shops little cafes and bars, it was a like a little holiday town with plenty of energy coming from the falls. We walked around doing the tourist thing, messing about and going in all the little gift shops to see if we could find some Canadian souvenirs. The best thing about visiting Canada was we had found somewhere that it was legal for us to drink again without being considered minors, or ID needed. We had a few drinks in a bar then wondered around the streets until we found a nice seafood restaurant and ate there. Time was getting on and it was getting dark so we made our way back round to the bridge, not before taking a long look at the falls from the Canadian side whilst they were all lit up. We had no trouble getting back across and I got a Canadian stamp in my passport so I was happy with the day.
It was again quite a boring trip, travelling during the day so you don’t want to sleep but it’s hard to occupy your mind. We usually end up singing along to the guitars or arguing about which music we want on. We got there at 5:00 but we had to stay just outside Manhatten in a days inn car park just the other side of the Lincoln Tunnel cos the bus was only allowed into the city between certain hours of the day it would be too much hassle. We got reasonably dressed up, as we would be spending the night on a paddle boat around New York with some of the high flyer’s. The boat was due to leave at 7:00 so there wasn’t much time; everyone was bundled into taxis and rushed to the dock. We made it in time and realised it wasn’t just some friendly trip around the island but it had three bars on board. Two floors of the finest techno and house music. And an upper deck to chill out on and look at the sites of New York. It was a free bar before 8;00 so naturally we set up camp and took full advantage before moving on to the top deck to see us set sail, do a bit of mingling and, call me a tourist but there’s some sites that you just have to see from the water. The Vodca was going down nicely and we were all up dancing, Sheryl taking it a little bit to far, I think she thought she was auditioning for a part in the movie “Striptease” or something. Fair play though, she was getting the boys attention; I just thought it was plain dirty though. It became obvious that perhaps we’d had too much to drink when we went upstairs and Boppa began talking to a Dj from the Bronx. Now, Boppa talks shit at the best of times but if there’s one thing he does know it’s his music. The conversation started of OK, Two music lovers discussing what they were into. The guy was heavily into his techno and when Boppa said he was into drum and base it didn’t go down to well, neither did Boppa rapping at him. Anyway, we avoided boppa getting thrown of the boat, mainly because I was holding him on the boat, but it all kicked off again when we tried to leave at the end of the night, and “I don’t want to talk to you, cos you smell like my poo” defiantly didn’t help. Nice one Bop. We avoided it all again and started to make our way to the after party, party at a local club only to have the guy run down the street and punch bop in the back of the head as we were walking away, then it defiantly kicked off Phil turned and swung at him with the camera tripod and took a direct hit. This time A girl we had met on the boat who new these people calmed it all down and Boppa and I got in a taxi with her to go to the next club. We thought it was finally over but as we got to a set of traffic lights, a car screeched up next to us and we were told we were going to die tonight and followed us to the club, the girl got out to go and talk to them again and we went over to a donut shop next to the club, fortunately in there was a policeman eating dohnuts. Nice one. The decision was made though, once we told the crew that they had threatened to kill us and although it was all funny at the time we were very drunk and probably didn’t realise how serious it could have been, especially as we were in New York. So not only did we get to see the major sights but have a good night out and experience some of the people of New York and almost got shot, quite an evening.
It had been a long night so we didn’t wake up until midday again. Then we headed straight onto the island, the girls went shopping for cheap clothes and I took the opportunity to find a tattoo parlour and get my tattoo done as we didn’t have time and we would be away from the sea for such a long time it would give it a chance to set in. There were plenty of places all in the same part of town so we had a look to see which looked the most professional the went in to negotiate a price. Joel who already had plenty of tattoos was making it out to be really painful but he’s been scared of needles most his life. I expected to be biting on a stool or something but the only time it really hurt was when the needle went over the bone of the spine, then I got quite a twinge. It took a couple of hours but I was well pleased with the finished result although wearing sticky tape and clingfilm on my back was quite annoying. We had to rush back to the bus to get changed. For the first time tonight the group would split up, Joel Bex and Boppa would go to a club called “ceeby jeebys” they would find one room to be a goth night and the other five Punk band auditions, and that’s about as much as I can tell you about there night. Us on the other hand. We would meet up with some of the people and models from Elite model New York. I was I bit nervous. We would be going to high-class bars and although the guys were a similar age group, what would I have to talk to models about? We arrived at the Tribeca Grand, a very swish place run by the same people who run the Soho Grand in London, apparently. They even had some one in the rest room helping you wash your hands, something I’d never seen before. We met Roman and Sheri who were organising the night and all their friends and sat down and ordered some drinks. With out a doubt this was the best group of people we had met on the trip so far. They were all interested in our trip and how it came about and interested in what we did. There lives weren’t exactly dull either so we had plenty to talk about. It seemed that their number one priority was to make sure that we had a good night. We left in taxis on the way to “Joe’s Pub” one of the hardest places to get into in New York, but with these guys we just skipped the long que and walked straight in, the atmosphere in the place was fucking amazing. Once inside it was quite packed but that was soon sorted when the promoter cleared a table right in front of the stage and we all sat down on the sofas. At this point the champagne arrived and the drinks just kept on coming. The acts on stage were amazing and everyone we were with was up for a right old laugh. A couple of the guys had said to me that one of the girls, Tarin was interested in me, but she was so perfect and I didn’t fancy making a fool out of myself with someone who is way out of my league. The night was easily the best so far, we were getting on with everyone really well and we decided to move onto the final club of the night. I left the pub with Tarin and we were getting on but I wasn’t going to make a move and spoil it all. We got in the taxi for the Luhan Club, owned by Steven Boldwin. We stopped of at a shop next to the club and got some chocolate then went down into the club, which was underneath a restaurant. It was quite small inside but quite cosy. The crew relaxed with the filming and joined in with the drinking. Everywhere in the club had sofas again, so it was a great place to finish the night. I had lost out with Tarin, as she was talking to some other guy for the rest of the night which was annoying cos apparently she told Chantal that she was interested. I found a comfy spot with everyone on the sofa and we stayed until about 5;00 in the morning and I was under the impression that we were meeting up with them again tomorrow.
When everyone else got up I really couldn’t be bothered so they went into New York to shop and I slept some more then stayed on the bus while we drove around Manhatten shooting General Views, then bill dropped us of and me and Richard went to meet the others in time square from there me boppa and Joel jumped in a taxi and went to go up in a helicopter and see Manhattan from the air, Joel had already done this before so after we met the crew just me and bop went up, we could only take the little cameras so while boppa filmed us I filmed the shots out the window. It was boppas and mine first time in a helicopter and it was the best location to do it in trust me. As soon as the ten minutes were up we left to go see Ronnie Sys in central park. The strange thing was as we got out the taxi at the park literally five metres away stood Petes friends that we had met in Myrtle Beach. You don’t get many coincidences much freakier than that. The guys from last night said they may be coming to watch the show so I kept my eye out for them and we went in. It was a real good atmosphere, we were right down the front in the VIP area just to the right of the stage. It seemed there was no plan to meet up with the guys from last night as Richard told us we had to be at a club called spa on the other side of town. I didn’t like the club much, I thought it was very trying to be cool but not quite achieving it, with music plucked from my 1997 CD collection. It wasn’t as bad as I am making out I suppose it was a cool looking place and the people in there seemed pretty cool. I was just pissed of caus they cleared a booth for us gave us a fake bottle of champagne then after half an hour cleared us out the booth and I didn’t think that was very classy at all. Everyone else felt the same and we got bored pretty quick. So after a walk around the club we left quite early and bumped into some of the guys from the night before in the queue on the way out.
We began the longest section of the trip so far and headed for Woodstock travelling through the night. The bus stopped around ten in the morning and we all got off to eat in a little silver stylish diner. The surrounding landscape had changed overnight, it had now become hilly and it looked a little more like woodland. I had a chicken burger to start of the day and then we sat outside and waited for the crew to finish doing what they needed to do then a quick stop at Walmart for some supplies and back on the bus on our way to a campsite for the evening. We arrived mid afternoon. There was a river nearby so we spent the afternoon paddling in little two man open canoes and we got to travel to the launch site in a bus just like the school bus on the Simpson’s which for me was more of a highlight than going paddling. Back at the site the owners had pitched some tents for us but we had no intention of sleeping in them as we would be travelling through the night again, but it looked good on camera. We had one on one interviews for the rest of the evening and took it in turn to do the barbeque. Once everyone had finished we met around the barbeque, got the guitars out and had a good sing along. Even though we didn’t actually camp it was a cosy experience all sitting around the campfire in the woods with other family groups around us but it had to end at 3:00am to get to Woodstock in time.
I slept most of the journey wondering what Woodstock would be like, obviously in the past it has been one of the most famous events in the world and we were all expecting to re live the Woodstock that everyone talks about. We got there around 4:00pm and made our way to the site, it was on a long straight road with fields either side as we got closer there were more and more tents and people and noticeably a lot more mud. We started to get kitted up for what we now expected. Joel being the genius he is gaffa-taped shopping bags to his feet. I put my old trousers on but although I only had one pair of shoes was not putting bags on my feet for anyone. Bill dropped us off near the entrance to the field. I was expecting it all to be the best festival I had ever been to with a huge atmosphere. Instead I got thousands of stoned hippies in a field that looked like it had been freshly ploughed with a barn in the middle that they were calling main stage. I felt a little conned but hey I’m at Woodstock and not many people can say they’ve been there, mind you if they saw it not many people would want to go there. It was a good laugh though, in the sense that there was a lot to laugh at. In between dodging the deep sections of mud we got talking to a few nutters and listened to a lovely tie die enrobed women with a banjo singing to the heavens how great god is and how the flowers make her feel really happy, which was lovely. And the bloke dancing in front of the stage well he looked like there was a force was trying to trip him up but he was having none of it, he would stay on his feet no matter what. Back at “main stage” Joel and Boppa was talking to the organisers about getting up and playing a few songs. Unfortunately not until tomorrow though which meant we would have to come back in the morning. We left sort of late afternoon, everyone was cold and wet and we had “Wild Wild West” on DVD back at the bus, which seemed to be calling our name. Although I am glad I experienced it, I probably wouldn’t be tempted to go back and as my trainers were covered in shit and I needed to walk around Manhatten tomorrow, When Joel and Boppa went to play there to songs I didn’t bother. I do feel a bit guilty though if I had have gone I would have doubled the amount of spectators at centre stage.
We left Woodstock around midday after the boys had fulfilled their life long dream and played in the barn at the shit-ridden field to an audience of one at Woodstock. We picked them up from the entrance where the annoying teenager had been waving on cars shouting go on, keep going for the past two days now. I don’t know whether he thought the drivers would forget to keep driving down the straight road if he wasn’t there but they seemed to be doing ok.
Hit the road around 11:00 the next day. We were travelling though the day so when I wasn’t looking out the window to see where we were and how the landscape quickly changed I tried to exercise in the isle of the bus and obviously got some quality sleeping time in. As soon as we arrived in Atlanta it was dark, so wasn’t worth exploring the place so we jumped straight into taxis and went straight to a club called Karma, which is owned by an English guy that would meet us later. How can I describe it, it was sort of a break beat / hip-hop / drum and base club, a place the stars apparently liked to hang out at and not be hassled by the fans. It was sort of underground, down some stairs and a regular sort of bar with a few added extras like the odd monster sized bed here and there to relax on with a DJ room and a dance floor where the punters were going wild. Some of us went down to the dance floor, but it took others a while to get used to being in a mostly black club. Apparently Christina Aguilera, Lenny Cravits and Michael Jackson were some of the names that had been to the club. Just as we were finding it a little hard to believe though Busta Rymes walked in as we were talking to the manager Pablo at the bar so we took the guys word for it. We remained cool and didn’t want to seen to be the only ones in there asking for his autograph and acted like he was just a regular guy, but Chantal couldn’t help herself she had to go and say hi and shake his hand. After lining the shots up on the bar for us Pablo gave us a sort of interview although it was hard, there wasn’t much space for us all to get in and hear what he was saying over the music. Basically he was a richboy from London who decided to go out to the states and set up a stylish bar, like you do. His club was cool though and we stayed till around 5:00 before going back to the bus via a 24hr BP garage for munchies and a pint of milk.
We were up around 12:00 the next day to begin our day as women. Before the trip Richard said if he could sort it out would we enter a transvestite beauty pageant and at the time we agreed. Although he didn’t manage to get us in the competition because the competitors were quite serious and it might seem like we were taking the piss a bit, he told us that all the audience would be dressed as women and if we didn’t we would be the odd ones out. So our day would be spent visiting a clothes / costume shop picking out women’s clothes and matching shoes. A tranny called fristy would show us around and pick out the lamest clothes I had ever seen so we ignored her and went with my intuition and picked out something completely different. It was actually turning into quite a funny day; we had got used to everyone laughing at us and now were making the best of a bad situation. Once we had an outfit it was onto to a make up and wig shop where we met our chaperone for the night in his male form. He gave us the lowdown on the event and scared us with some tranny facts, but we got the wigs or hair pieces as he liked to say and some make up tips here we also met two girls one of which was Pablo from the night before’s x girlfriend and I must ad she had possibly the nicest pair I have ever seen. Then went back to the bus where the girls had the most fun they’d had since playing with Barbies. They took it in turns painting our nails and putting all kinds of stuff on our faces until they were happy we would pass for ladies, well transvestites anyway. I put on my little black mini skirt on, tucked my balls into a tight pair of boxers and pull on my fishnets and to finish, a matching boob tube and a classy wig. You may be surprised but I made quite a lady if i do say so myself, me and Boppa got some whistles as we stepped of the bus. But wait… then there was Joel, imagine a poorly dressed Mrs Doubtfire that can’t walk in heals and that’s Joel. Our limo arrived driven by some weird looking bloke and out stepped the guy from the wig shop, completely different and I don’t even want to imagine how he achieved the look, it was scary. We got to the hotel where the event was being held and it was on one of the top floors so we had to walk from the limo past all the regular people to get there, but by now it was alright! we had gone way past the realms of embarrassment into the realms of who now gives a shit. We got in around 8:00 and surprisingly it had all already started, so we went to our VIP table where we had a good view of the stage and also the audience, and we realised that it was more a gay thing and we were definately in the minority being the ones dressed up. What the hell we had plenty of wine on the table and it wasn’t long before I’d forgotten what I looked like. Well at least till I went to the rest room. About half way though Boppa and I were set the task of going and talking to some trannies and gays and the like to educate ourselves and get it all on the Sony cameras. We got talking to a few groups of people getting them to tell us stuff to the camera. Then I spied, I think the only straight women there that evening, so while talking to her she noticed I had a pierced nipple and without asking had a look. I saw my opportunity and told her how rude she had been, tonight I was a women and that kind of thing is just not acceptable which resulted in her getting her tits out for all too see. Good work Glenn. They all came back to our table and Robin, the girl took quite a shine to me, I’m not sure why though I was dressed as a women so I spent the after show party getting to know her. I have no idea what the others got up to. It wasn’t too late and one of the guys we had met earlier invited us all back to his flat so we went there. I was still with Robin and the guy who was going to give her a lift home was walking us back to the bus so she came on board and we took advantage of the back room although we were soon to leave Atlanta so didn’t get any nookie although it was fun and she looked good naked.
Again we travelled through the night and arrived at around 6:00, had a quick look at the beach but as I didn’t get much sleep last night and we weren’t in an exciting location, in fact we were miles away from the touristy area although there were a lot of hotels. I decided to go back to bed for a while and get up at 9:00. Had a look at the beach again now there were people around and it seemed to be a bit of a family beach. It had been arranged that we would meet up with a record and skate shop owner. There we would find out a little bit about the local scene and what we were doing that evening. Unfortunately the night before the local police had broken up the three day rave Global 2000 that we had planned to go too, so we arranged to meet up with Pete the owner and he would make sure we saw what goes on, or if the rave had unofficially been moved then he’d take us to it. It was still early so we went to the tourist part of Myrtle beach, had a quick look around the gimmick shops where in one souvenir shop we found death stars and throwing knives, I don’t know what goes on in this town but I hope everyone didn’t carry those around with them. Sarah had arranged tickets to the local theme park so after a quick Mac Donalds we like big kids went to ride roller coasters and relive our youth, not that we’re old. On the way back we decided to make a beer stop and get some supplies for a barbeque, we set the barby up in the car park got the drinks out and the party started with Pete and his crew turning up soon after on his motorbike and a car load. There was Pete and the guy that worked in the store, his two gay friends from New York and Greg, a true red neck he had the accent and everything. We carried on drinking and got to know the guys who would be like, our guides for the night. W e got the possibilities from Pete for the night and decided to go to a place called club Millennium. Pete took Sheryl on the bike while the rest jumped on the bus and we were dropped at the club in style. In the club there were two rooms, one sort of hardcore house and the other more popular music, dance stuff that makes the charts and R & B. In the second room Greg managed to pick up two girls to join our merry band of clubbers, and I have to say one of them was hot. We next to moved onto a gay bar cause some of the guys wanted to pickup someone but we decided to stay on the bus for that one as me and Joel got harassed enough just directing Bill reversing the bus in the car park. So we went onto a place called Masters, the place Global 2000 (the rave) had been moved to since the raid last night. It was basically a Golf club that had been converted into a club for the evening, three rooms playing three styles and people everywhere, spilling out onto the golf course, break dancing, dancing to hard house and I don’t know whether it was security guards or cops walking around but who ever they were they had fun chucking Paul and Phil out when they realised they were filming and hadn’t been given permission. Everyone in the place was cool, we lost Sheryl very early on in the night, Joel had flaked early and Bex went to look after him so it was just me Chantal, Boppa, Greg and the two girls from the other club, which I got on really well with, although so did Boppa and Greg, but I got her number at the end of the night so I was happy. We partied till 5:00 in the morning. Bill drove us back to the car park after that, where the other guy’s cars were parked and they drove the girls back to their hotel, as they had to check out by 7:00am.
I didn’t get up till 2:00 the next day as expected and no one was in the mood to do anything big so we went to play crazy golf, which turned out to be quite a laugh. I don’t know who won but it obviously wasn’t me or I would have remembered. There was no plans to do any filming for the evening as we were in Myrtle beach for a while so we took the opportunity to go out with Paul and Rory, we weren’t near any decent bar so we wondered down the road until we found a reasonably swanky hotel and used there bar. Sheryl had a phone call from Pete and we managed to get rid of her pretty early again, “bonus”. After a few drinks it didn’t take much before we were feeling pissed again after last night. But we all had a good lengthy chat and it was a good bonding night to get to know the crew a little better. And we got to go to bed at a reasonable hour.
Today was a bit slow, spending most the day waiting for Sheryl to get back and no one was really getting of there arses and organising anything to do apart from the girls who had started on the art project and had gone of taking photos of people on the beach. So I got my windsurf kit out and although it wasn’t the best conditions took it to the beach, everyone else sat and chilled out and I went for a surf “mustn’t grumble”. Sheryl got back and met us on the beach, and it was time to do something as a group so we all went to an all you can eat Chinese Buffet restaurant called “China Buffet”. At the end of the meal we met up with Pete again and moved onto a bowling alley. For a drink and a game of ten pin. This time we managed to talk bill into coming with us which probably wasn’t a good idea cause he fully kicked my ass, he came first and I came second. We went back to Petes place for a quick smoke and to play playstation for a while, then after Chantal and Boppa had a little tiff with the director Phil about buying a little bag of weed we went back to the bus. Again quite late but I was getting used to not having any sleep.
Tuesday was the crew’s day off, but Paul and Rory had always wanted to go shooting so they invited us to join them at a proper firing range. Unfortunately they wouldn’t let us have more than a 2.2 as we had to show I.D. and we weren’t 21 but they were still powerful and we were only shooting the shit out of paper targets so we weren’t fussed. That night Chantal met a guy at the local store and he invited her to an 80’s night at a local club so the girls, last minute decided to go there. But we took the opportunity, as there was plenty of drink on the bus to have our first lad’s night in without the girls. Myrtle beach had been different, we hadn’t crammed as much into a short space of time, which at times allowed us to get bored, and do things like break into the local tennis courts and play foot tennis with a basketball I had won on a fairground stand. But it had been good not rushing from one place to another and let us relax a bit. We planned to leave for Atlanta first thing in the morning where the trip would begin to lose its grasp on normality.
I had high expectations of arriving in Daytona Beach, I had seen plenty of programmes on tele of spring breaks in Daytona and it is quite a famous place so I was hoping for a party. We arrived in the middle of the night everyone else was asleep but I heard the bus stop so I got up to see where we were. Sarah and some of the crew were rushing around, we were either lost or there was trouble finding where the bus was allowed to park. I had planned to go for a swim as soon as we arrived in every new place but a lady at the hotel had said it probably wasn’t the best idea while it was still dark as there was a heavy rip running. After stretching my legs I went back to my bunk to wait until we arrived at where we would stop. It was still dark when we got to the hotel car park and we all agreed it would be a good idea to watch the sun rise over the sea at Daytona Beach, trouble is we were all still sleepy so in the pitch black we raided the freezing cold hotels outdoor pool then jumped the fence onto the beach with a bundle of blankets and sat huddled waiting to see the dawn on a misty Daytona beach. Its hard to explain the feeling of this trip, you are excited but at the same time relaxed caus there’s the crew sorting everything, making it all run smoothly so you have no worries, all you have concentrate on is having a good time and then we do stuff like watching the sun rise on a beach with your mates, it looks like a postcard and your are kinda blown away. Everyone needed a little more sleep as you don’t get much on a moving bus and the crew had gone to bed as they had been up all night so it wasn’t worth doing anything crazy or outrageous without getting it on tape, so never mind we all went back to bed. I couldn’t sleep much though, we were in a new place and there was stuff to see and do, so I got up and went to a local hotel to grab a map and leaflets on what we could do that day then went back to wake the others up, they were a bit slow so as it was a beach orientated place Chantal and I went to look at the shop’s to see if we could find some decent clothes, while the others got there asses into action. The plan was to have my tattoo early in the morning and then in the afternoon have a go at something exciting like parasailing. After walking the whole length of the beach road going in every shop and keeping it healthy with a burger and a milkshake for breakfast at Maccy D’s it was obvious that the crew would not be joining us and that meant I would not be getting my tattoo today. I was quoted $240 as well which might have contributed to Richard saying “no”. The crew joined us in the afternoon and as you were allowed cars on the beach, which was quite annoying when you’re trying to chill out. We hired a car anyway and drove up the beach with intention of turning around and driving to the other end of the beach… real cool like! and going parasailing, although none of us had a driving license Joel cruised the beach and we messed around while the cameras filmed from another car. As we were coming to the end of the beach we looked around, the sky went from being clear to there being a big fuckoff thunder cloud, right where they were parasailing, it was quickly decided that none of us fancied hanging from our pants in a big electrical strom cloud strapped to a wet parachute and being towed by a lightening conductor. So that was off! We left Daytona earlier than planned. We had had a few disappointments but it had been a good day and we had been to Daytona Beach, which was good enough, and lets face it I’m on a trip across the USA for seven weeks! mustn’t grumble!
Everyone was up real early, and already, although tired, everyone was on a high, even though it would be hours before we were on the plane and even longer before we were in Miami. It was all routine at the airport filming what was needed. Like showing our passports getting the tickets and all that stuff. When we got into the waiting lounge Richard gave us the two Sony DV cameras that would be our toys for the rest of the trip. It was just an average plane trip, long but we entertained ourselves as you do, watching every film, eating, sleeping, throwing the shit food at each other, tooth paste on the finger tickle the nose, all the usual stuff. But lets not over dramatise a plane trip. We got to Miami at roughly 3:30 but took hours to get though customs, where we got slightly split up and needed to find each other before we walked out into the arrivals where the cameras were waiting. After showing bits of paper at every door I went through I finally got through to the bag collection and met up with the others. For the first time we would experience what it was like being filmed in public and the reaction we would get from passers by. We were slightly briefed, then we walked out into arrivals where Bill our driver who was holding a bit of cardboard with our names on. We had to act normal, introduce ourselves to Bill, ignore the camera and try not to notice that the entire airport thought we were a pop band or something. It was so weird but sort of cool. When we left the airport we got a shock, it was so hot and it was like breathing thick air, I had not felt that since I lived in Barbados. After that trip we all needed a fag, it was sweaty and we had not got used to the air but we squeezed one in anyway, and after we had packed all our kit in the holds under the bus, Bill introduced us to the bus which would be our home for the next seven weeks. You may feel sorry for me living on a bus but don’t, it was a true rock star tour bus with two TV’s Videos and DVD players, air conditioning, a kitchen, 9 bunks, it was luxury, a bit cramped but luxury. We had to get on the road quickly because we were parked illegally. We had to get to the famous south beach where we would park right close to the action and intended to stay for a few days. Obviously the first priority on arrival was to run straight to the beach and check out the water. It was lovely but not for long, time was getting on and everyone was desperate to go out for the first time, a drink and a good meal was needed after the long trip. After a quick shower on the beach we got back to the bus to meet a lad the girls had met. He would later become known as weirdo No.1. He had stopped to talk to the girls as they were leaving and seemed ok, he decided to show us around as he had been there a few days and said he had found a cool bar at the other end of the strip. It was an Irish bar and we decided to enjoy a tasty burger and a few drinks without the cameras. We had no trouble getting served although we had been told that Miami was strict on drinking laws. Everyone got tired real quick and decided to go for our first night on the bus early.
On day two I woke up about 6.30 and went straight for a swim in the sea, then got the shopping in early so that the rest of the day was free to do what ever. It was decided that we would go jet skiing on Key Biscayne, which we did in style. Sheryl was asleep when we arrived so we decided to leave her and met up with a guy that was listed in the Miami guide book, negotiated a jet ski for an hour, so we could swap, get an even go and watch/film each other. They were pretty cool although as someone who does a lot of water sports there’s only so much you can do on them, it was a good laugh though and towards the end as we were getting bored the owner decided to let me take Joel and Boppa out on his most powerful three seat jet ski. We got it going after we got the weight forward, Joel and Bop stood to wave to the cameras, when they sat back down however, the ski rocked sideways and they were in the water at speed. I turned around, Joel was about crying and had taken a knock to his ribs and bop was a bit winded but laughing about it. The main crew had gone to film Virgin Atlantic for the arrival that day, so we had a couple of hours alone without the cameras so we headed back to south beach. Sheryl had found out that we hadn’t woken her to go jet skiing and boy did we know about it, all of her teddies came flying out of her pram in all our general direction. We all went to chill on the beach for the afternoon and Sheryl decided to stay on the bus, sulk and join us later. For the first time as the girls sunbathed, we swam in the warm sea, we realised the size of the blag we had finally pulled off… it was finally real. As we went back to the bus the cameras caught us at the shower on the beach. We made plans to go back and eat at the Irish bar from last night because we knew we could get served and were in favour with the staff (double shots). We had soon had our fill and after talking to some freak that was into dog fighting we were all in the mood to move on to the club, which was just down the strip. The only problem was there was a coppa on the door and although we had arranged to film in there, they were checking everyones ID’s and when Sheryl decided to get her fake ID out in front of a cop we thought it about time to do a runner. Our first real night of the trip and already the over 21’s thing had got in the way of our valuable drinking time. After checking out a few other places, we realised that everywhere was being strict. Everyone was feeling a little bit pissed off so they went back to the bus and the cameras called it a night, while boppa and I decided to go back to the first place with Sarah, the tour manager and Richard, the assistant director, where we had e few rounds of sex on the beach compliments of the waiter, “nice man” and had quite a good chat about stuff. Got back to the bus quite late where we found weirdo No. 1, by the way Weirdo No. 2 was the guy into the dog fighting, Joel had already hit the sack, and No. 1 was talking to the girls in the lounge, he was talking shit so me and Boppa went straight to bed. Richard got the little camera out to capture his spiritual and yoga talk on tape, but he was having none of it, apparently being filmed captures and steels a persons soul and he didn’t wish to be filmed. So Rich pointed out that we were making a documentary, made him feel stupid and verbally kicked him off the bus. Nice one, now we could all get some sleep, but wondering whether the freak would come back and get us in the night, psycho. We didn’t see him again.
I thought a lie in until 9am was allowed the next day followed by the best thing in the world. Throwing your sleepy self into the warm sea while there’s still the morning mist on the beach and the sun is still low in the sky. Today would prove to be comparatively boring although chilled and relaxed. We planned to hit the road around 2.30pm so we spent the day doing individual interviews on the beach. Which meant we were free to mess around swim and get some photos of Miami to put in the photo album. There was a feeling of excitement again today, although our trip had already begun, it was the first time we were actually travelling and until now we had avoided all being on the bus at the same time. The interviews were quite straight forward, getting our feeling about where we were, what we were doing and being with the other guys on the bus, we hadn’t been there long and we were all enjoying ourselves so there was no conflict and no juicy stories yet. The bus left around 4.30 a little later than planned. The plan was to meet up with and interview a rave promoter in Orlando although while on the way we found out he had a meeting, so it was cancelled. Everyone spread out on the bus, watching TV, listening to music, chatting and looking out the window at the landscape, which was slightly different to what we were used to back home. It was late evening and hunger set in so we pulled into a shopping area. Joel and I decided to make a break and go exploring, we found one of those, nic nac, sell everyone type shops,we bought a picnic basket that had plastic cutlery in so we would have stuff to eat with on the bus, then found a dunkin’ doughnuts and decided to fill up the healthy way with three dohnuts each and a large coffee. We found the crew and the others in a Chinese, which made me slightly jealous so instead of watching them eat we got the keys to the bus and went to mess around with the little sony cameras. I tell you what; using our picnic hamper as props we would make good QVC demonstrators.
Only the next day a pretty big production company called Brighter Pictures phoned Joel’s and Joel later rang me at work. They were almost too enthusiastic about what we had written, they told us they were restructuring the idea and taking it to Channel 4 the next day. We talked at first over the phone, still not quite believing that we were liasing with a big production company in london. Then only two days later, in the company’s conference room we were discussing ideas and the possibilities of a contract allowing them to develop the idea and binding us to it if it were ever to get commissioned. Which we were told could take anything from a month to a couple of years.
It was quite impressive in our eyes that someone had shown an interest but looking at thing realistically, nothing would come of it.
A week later and after a rejection letter from Channel Five (the quality program, station) our contracts came in the post, still not taking things very seriously, our parents, the most worldly people we know looked over them and it was agreed that we would sign. I returned to the Isle of Wight to teach and left sainsbury’s and “our TV show” behind me in Leicester. The day we were about to return our contracts Joel rang me… quite excited. Rapido, the makers of Eurotrash had rung saying they had a similar idea already under research and that they would like to meet and discuss the trip further. So again we made another trip to London, this time with a little more confidence as we had been there, done that. We met with the big cheese at Rapido, and soon realised that the trip was fast becoming a reality. They planned to do America in a bus and were soon going to advertise for victims to do it. Now they had us, a group of friends that were already keen to do it and had plenty of ideas, things to do and places to go. I left all the dealings with Joel and Bex as I was a dedicated watersports instructor. Managing a few days here and there, we shot a promo in London for channel 4 to check to see we had what it takes and also we met the commitioning editor at the channel 4 building for his approval. We merely had lunch in the canteen and pissed around which seemed to somehow impress him. He wanted to check to make sure we were whom we said we were and weren’t plucked from an agency. So we all had to send a wage slip or something as proof.
Knowing it was now all now very real, I began to tell pretty much everyone I knew. I had a mixed response, obviously they were all impressed that I had pulled off the biggest blag to date, but many of my wiser friends helped me to keep my head and not assume that it would be easy and everyone would treat us right, which was good, because lets face it I was dealing with an industry I knew nothing about.
The next few months were quite a wait. We shot a promo for channel 4, which basically involved us making twatts of ourselves around London, then the only things we had to sort out were passports, Rapido to get us visas and making sure we had our six members of the group sorted. It was agreed that Rebecca could choose the girls that were going so she didn’t get lonely or left out, and as the guy I was going to go travelling with had already left, Joel asked a friend we used to go to school with and the six were complete. As a team we were, me, Joel, Bex, Boppa, Chantel and Sheryl. Two girls I’ve met a couple of times that Bex knows, Chantel she used to work with and Sheryl she grew up with.
About a month before we were going to the states though a really weird thing happened, totally irrelevant to the show but it’s a story worth telling.
On the 16th of June I was fired from the UKSA, well sort of. I was given the reason of “poor performance” much to the disagreement of the other 30 instructors working alongside me. I had had no prior warnings which usually come before a dismissal and my contract states that I should have been given at least a weeks notice, instead I was forced to pack my bags within the hour under surveillance and then told to leave the island. They dropped me off at the ferry with my season’s belongings, which I couldn’t even lift and left me there. But it wasn’t too much of a problem as a mate lived just up the road and I planned to kip there a couple of nights so I could get my head straight. When I rang though I found that for some reason all my mates had been warned that if they were to help me then there jobs could be on the line. I paused for thought then realised my fucking motorbike was stuck at the centre. I couldn’t figure it out I had done nothing wrong, if anything I was chuffing good at what I did, but got fired. Nevermind, I ended up staying round a friends for a week, which at the time was appreciated and that night absolutely everyone came around for a barbeque and we got hammered then went down the pub. My parents came the next week and I took all my stuff in one go including my beloved motorbike. Weird hey?
So I had a couple of weeks to kill, some of which was spent filming us, preparing to go and getting some background on who each of us were, in various glamorous locations. I did decide to sign on for two weeks, I wouldn’t normally but there was no way someone would employ me for two weeks and I still had bills to pay so I had no choice.
Some of the crew that would be working on the show in London and with us in the states came up to Leicester to meet us and find out what to research that we would like to take part in when we get to the states, there was Richard who would be assistant director and who would sneekly stay on our bus but shhh the viewer doesn’t know that bit. Another guy, Matt who would be a researcher working in London at the Rapido studios and Steven D Wright, the producer of the whole lot, he is the man that makes the decisions and the man with the money in his hand so we had a slap up meal and as many bottles of wine as we could before the night was over.
At a later date we would meet our director, Phil Jones who would be directing the show in the states for the two months we are out there, we met at Joel’s house, just me, Joel and Bex. He would offer his ideas on how he wanted the overall show to look and we told him what we had envisaged, so we sort of had an idea of what to expect and how the filming would work over the next few weeks while still in Leicester.
The next couple of weeks were a long wait, two of those days we met Paul and Rory, the sound and camera men, top blokes and we got on well from the beginning. The crew rushed around to different locations to film us doing what we do. I was filmed windsurfing on a day with no wind, but it was a good laugh and got me used to being filmed. Also we would all be interviewed during the two days, which I have to say was very awkward, but would again get me a little more use to having a camera in my face. It was all-good though.
Now the time had come, the holiday of a lifetime.
. Around the World in 80 raves …. {Working title} … Rapido production for Channel 4 …
Around the world in 80 raves is a show conceived by and starring six kids from England’s most under rated city, Leicester. Three girls and three lads spent eight weeks touring America communally living in a bus, going between festivals, beaches and S & M clubs. 80 raves will premier in April in an eleven o’clock, Friday night slot. The three girls, Rebekah, a sexy young singer, Chantal a feisty fashion student and Sheryl, the lap-dancer, spent their time sunbathing, partying and generally putting the lads in their place. The lads, Glenn, the ladies favourite watersports instructor, Joel the tattooed comedian and Boppa the two pence short of a pound musician spent their eight weeks drinking, stinking and trying to charm the women. Glenn, Rebekah and Joel dreamed up the idea for a TV show trip of a life time, and within a week of writing their letter, were setting off to London for production meetings with major TV players. 80 raves is a surreal realisation of every young partyers dream, to tour a continent getting up to things you really shouldn’t be able to get away with, all on someone else’s money. Music, drugs, mud, sex, and Jerry Springer……….what more could any one want.
I did keep a diary while I was out there, call me a geek but I thought there might be a few moments I may want to remember in years to come, anyway enjoy my holiday.
The crew had flown to the states a day before us so they could set up and be ready to film our arrival. Nerves had set in and I had a long wait for the van, as I was the penultimate to be picked up. A van had been sent to go to everyone’s house and pick them up, Richard would be in the van with the small camera to get our goodbyes and us stuffing our kit in the van on tape. Sheryl was the last to be picked up and apart from my windsurf board she had the most kit which later we found out, one of these suitcases was full entirely for her own pillows cos she can’t sleep without them. Pack essentials that’s what I say. So once all in, we travelled to the Posthouse at Heathrow airport to fly early the next day. We met in the bar for a few drinks where we were given our contracts to sign, it seemed a bit dodgy but they read over ok and reminded us that we wouldn’t get any money out of it all, but what the hell, when am I going to get another opportunity like this… yes you’re right, never. Well unless we get a second series. We all hit the sack reasonably early because we would be up at about four in the morning.
